[FIC] By Your Side

2007-09-23T04:51:44Z

Title: By Your Side
Author: Angelic_Driver
Rating: PG
Pairing: YunJae
Genre: Angst, Romance?
Summary: JaeJoong is in love with YunHo, but the leader doesn't see the -real- him. Simply the boy he considers to be his best friend.
Comments: This idea struck me when sleep wouldn't. I was listening to a few Shin HyeSung songs, and was overcome with inspiration. This one came from a couple of lines from the song Mirror. I don't write on my own too much, and I think this might be my first solo YunJae fic I've written. Enjoy yeah? And please comment? I really enjoyed writing this, and I'm curious to see if people would be interested in reading more one-shots written by me. Thanks <33

Why is it so hard? Everyone goes on and on about how great love really is, but if it's so great, then why am I not smiling? Why am I not jumping for joy at the fact that my heart has opened itself up to someone? It's simple. The one my heart has chosen to embrace is none other than Jung YunHo. My best friend and the leader of my band. It would be so much easier if he weren't totally blind.

He doesn't see me. No matter what I do, he never sees the real me. He simply sees his friend, the mother of the group. The devoted and lovesick JaeJoong is completely and utterly invisible to him. I'm constantly at his side, waiting for the moment when he might need me, waiting for the time when he asks for help. I used to think I was special, because I got a certain kind of attention from him that nobody else got. But it wasn't long before I realized that it was just because I'm JaeJoong. His closest friend.

The hardest part of it all is that he's supposed to be the one who knows me better than anyone else. He's supposed to be able to see right through me. So why doesn't he see that I wish, more than anything, to be a special person in his heart? I've lost track of the times he's walked in on me when I'm at my most vulnerable, a total emotional mess with endless tears streaming down my face. He asks me what's wrong, and I always come up with some stupid lie. And the sad part is that he never questions it. Not once has he caught on to the fact that I was lying. Not once has he tried to pry the truth from me. He knows me through and through, and yet.. He fails to see what really lingers in both my mind and my heart.

There's a time I remember so clearly, and I wish desperately that it would have left my mind. It has to be the most painful memory I have, and it's somewhat ironic that it had happened on the most beautiful of days.

I'd been sitting in the kitchen, dazing off as usual, when he trotted into the kitchen, all smiles. At first, my heart was fluttering in my chest at the sight of that smile, but as the reason for it became clear, I swore something inside of me shattered on the spot.

"I need your help with something tonight," he'd said, that smile I was so attracted to plastered on his face. I loved how those strong features of his remained as such when he smiled, managing to look both tender and strong at the same time. I found myself simply nodding my head, urging him to go on as I stared at his face. "I have a date tonight, with this girl I met at that little cafe we go to sometimes. You'll help me get ready, won't you?" He grinned, punching me lightly in the arm.

I knew my expression was crumbling at those words, and I could do nothing but slowly nod my head. I suppose I should have been pleased that he came to me instead of YooChun or the others, but it was just so hard to think anything other than negative thoughts.

"Great. I knew you'd help me. You always pull through for me when I need you." I could see the genuine appreciation in his eyes as he patted my shoulder and stood, leaving the room. Again, I should have been pleased that he had said that, but instead I could feel tears begin to prick my eyes.

That was one thing I loved, yet hated about him. I was supposed to be cold, emotionless at times. But all it took was a single look from him, and my walls would crumble. With anyone else, I was strong, a pillar of sorts. But not when it came to him.

I had ended up helping him that night. I stood by him, telling him what to wear, how much cologne to put on, how to act without making a fool of himself or coming on too strong. Since I didn't know too much about girls, I was simply applying what would be ideal to me. Then again, with YunHo, anything would have pleased me. I knew I was forced though. My expression was tight, my eyes somewhat flat and dull as I imagined him on the date with the girl. The saddest part of it all?

He never noticed.

After he left that night, I had holed myself in my room. I hated the fact that he had the ability to make me like that. To completely strip away any ounce of strength I posessed and turn me into a mass of uncontrolled emotions.

Sometimes I have to wonder what would happen if I just disappeared. What would YunHo do if I wasn't there to turn to when he needed advice, or when he needed my help? I would never find out though. As much as I hate the fact that I love him and he never sees it, I can't abandon him. I know I have a unique place in his heart. It's just not the one I crave for. But I know better than to take it for granted. If he didn't come to me, then I would truly be lost.

Many people would say it would be in my best interest to just move on. Find someone I can give my heart to who will accept it and give me their's in return. But I just can't. YunHo is the only person for me. I'd been called stubborn more times than I can count, and I suppose this is just proof of it.

I will always be by his side, no matter what. I've always considered myself to be the shadow that he casts. Always behind him, always with him. As bleak as it seems, I will forever remain hopeful. It doesn't matter if people think I'm stubborn or just plain stupid. I know that I'll always love him, and because of that, I'm willing to act as his best friend for as long as he needs me. I'll hope and pray each and every night that by some odd twist of fate, he'll feel the same. Until that day comes..

I'll wait.

angelic_driver

[FIC] By Your Side